Ğanisty
02-25-2009, 11:43 AM
I'm just going to give you the whole long story here because every bit of it must be taken into account.
When my husband came back from deployment, he had nowhere to live. I was still in Savannah and he was up here at Ft. Drum. He needed a place to stay temporarily so one of his Sgts let him stay with him and his wife. We'll call him J and his wife is C This guy is now out of the military. He had been stop-lossed and got out pretty much as soon as they got back from Iraq. Seain stayed at their place for about a month last November. As soon as housing became available, he moved into the place we're in now. I guess I need to make it clear we had NO money. We still have no extra money whatsoever. We live on a tight budget.
While Seain was staying there, he pretty much stayed out of their way. He helped out doing the dishes every night and tidying up, etc. He gave them plenty of time alone and he gave them $40 a week for groceries because he ate there. We also bought them a Christmas present to show our appreciation.
Two weeks ago, J called Seain up because he needed a place to stay for a little while. Apparently he was having problems with C and wanted some space between them so he could sort through things. We agreed because it was really only fair. They had helped us out in a big way recently. This was on a Wednesday before pay day and I had $20 in our account. I told J when he showed up I needed money because I only had enough food to feed two people. We went to the commissary that night and he had a lot of special requests. I asked him how much he was going to pay. He ended up paying $50 towards our purchases (which btw came to $65 but fine...I get that we were going to be eating some of that anyway). Before we even got out of the commissary, this whole situation had escalated to a divorce. He had spent most of the time at the store on the phone with C. Great, this is totally not what I signed up for!
So, J is the one who wanted the divorce but he's been back and forth on it since. C, however, agreed immediately to the divorce and isn't wavering at all. Now his method of dealing with this has bounced between going back to church and sleeping with lots of women. I am totally unhappy with this situation because he talks to me about it all the time. He doesn't have a job, but is going to college, so he's here a lot during the day. Frankly, I have no interest in hearing about Jesus or his sexual exploits and have tried to steer the conversation to other things. I've also tried my very best to suggest to him that it would be best if he moved on, etc. I've been trying to give him the hint that he should get his own place, but he isn't getting it.
I happen to know that J is well enough off. He told me the first day how much money he has in savings and it's more than Seain and I have ever had in any account in our entire lives. He has approximately $40,000. His staying here is so completely incomparable to Seain staying at his place in November. He's acting like a teenager. He comes and goes whenever. He'll say he's going to be home for dinner but doesn't show up until we've already gone to bed. He calls people constantly to tell them the entire story. I think he just keeps calling until he gets someone who agrees with him. He calls C a bitch all the time and says terrible things about her, but then he tells us that he wants to get back with her. He's been hanging out with the chaplain's assistant and his wife and I'm quite sure they don't know a thing about his promiscuous behavior.
He's also creepy. He apparently does not think there is anything weird about sitting between me and Seain on the sofa when we're watching TV. He asks for hugs and it's not always appropriate. For instance, he wanted a hug in the middle of the night. He's just....weird.
Now, keep in mind he's been here for 2 weeks, has only given us $50, comes and goes like an irresponsible, immature twit, has inappropriate conversations and behavior, has started moving his things into our garage, doesn't help around the house, etc.
Seain has agreed with me that it's time to get him out of here. The problem is J is never here when Seain is. Seain has had to work late (and by late I mean until 8pm) for about a week now. J leaves before Seain gets home and comes back after we go to bed. Except last night. He left at 7pm and still hasn't come back and didn't answer Seain's call or txt message.
I've been avoiding handling this by myself because I don't need the unwarranted reputation of being Seain's "bitch wife" and while J is no longer in the military, he is friends with a lot of people Seain knows. The problem is that it's all festering. I'm getting angry to the point where I do not know if I can deal with this in a civil and rational manner. I'm completely uncomfortable telling this guy to move out when Seain isn't even here. Eventually, if this keeps going, I will do it though and it won't be very nice.
If you managed to read all of that, congratulations. Any advice?
When my husband came back from deployment, he had nowhere to live. I was still in Savannah and he was up here at Ft. Drum. He needed a place to stay temporarily so one of his Sgts let him stay with him and his wife. We'll call him J and his wife is C This guy is now out of the military. He had been stop-lossed and got out pretty much as soon as they got back from Iraq. Seain stayed at their place for about a month last November. As soon as housing became available, he moved into the place we're in now. I guess I need to make it clear we had NO money. We still have no extra money whatsoever. We live on a tight budget.
While Seain was staying there, he pretty much stayed out of their way. He helped out doing the dishes every night and tidying up, etc. He gave them plenty of time alone and he gave them $40 a week for groceries because he ate there. We also bought them a Christmas present to show our appreciation.
Two weeks ago, J called Seain up because he needed a place to stay for a little while. Apparently he was having problems with C and wanted some space between them so he could sort through things. We agreed because it was really only fair. They had helped us out in a big way recently. This was on a Wednesday before pay day and I had $20 in our account. I told J when he showed up I needed money because I only had enough food to feed two people. We went to the commissary that night and he had a lot of special requests. I asked him how much he was going to pay. He ended up paying $50 towards our purchases (which btw came to $65 but fine...I get that we were going to be eating some of that anyway). Before we even got out of the commissary, this whole situation had escalated to a divorce. He had spent most of the time at the store on the phone with C. Great, this is totally not what I signed up for!
So, J is the one who wanted the divorce but he's been back and forth on it since. C, however, agreed immediately to the divorce and isn't wavering at all. Now his method of dealing with this has bounced between going back to church and sleeping with lots of women. I am totally unhappy with this situation because he talks to me about it all the time. He doesn't have a job, but is going to college, so he's here a lot during the day. Frankly, I have no interest in hearing about Jesus or his sexual exploits and have tried to steer the conversation to other things. I've also tried my very best to suggest to him that it would be best if he moved on, etc. I've been trying to give him the hint that he should get his own place, but he isn't getting it.
I happen to know that J is well enough off. He told me the first day how much money he has in savings and it's more than Seain and I have ever had in any account in our entire lives. He has approximately $40,000. His staying here is so completely incomparable to Seain staying at his place in November. He's acting like a teenager. He comes and goes whenever. He'll say he's going to be home for dinner but doesn't show up until we've already gone to bed. He calls people constantly to tell them the entire story. I think he just keeps calling until he gets someone who agrees with him. He calls C a bitch all the time and says terrible things about her, but then he tells us that he wants to get back with her. He's been hanging out with the chaplain's assistant and his wife and I'm quite sure they don't know a thing about his promiscuous behavior.
He's also creepy. He apparently does not think there is anything weird about sitting between me and Seain on the sofa when we're watching TV. He asks for hugs and it's not always appropriate. For instance, he wanted a hug in the middle of the night. He's just....weird.
Now, keep in mind he's been here for 2 weeks, has only given us $50, comes and goes like an irresponsible, immature twit, has inappropriate conversations and behavior, has started moving his things into our garage, doesn't help around the house, etc.
Seain has agreed with me that it's time to get him out of here. The problem is J is never here when Seain is. Seain has had to work late (and by late I mean until 8pm) for about a week now. J leaves before Seain gets home and comes back after we go to bed. Except last night. He left at 7pm and still hasn't come back and didn't answer Seain's call or txt message.
I've been avoiding handling this by myself because I don't need the unwarranted reputation of being Seain's "bitch wife" and while J is no longer in the military, he is friends with a lot of people Seain knows. The problem is that it's all festering. I'm getting angry to the point where I do not know if I can deal with this in a civil and rational manner. I'm completely uncomfortable telling this guy to move out when Seain isn't even here. Eventually, if this keeps going, I will do it though and it won't be very nice.
If you managed to read all of that, congratulations. Any advice?