A slang question

[Dub C]

One of my best friends growing up is Gay. When we were in high school he never came out and told anyone he was gay but we kind of knew.

A couple of months ago he was over at our apartment visiting. Someone happend that pissed him off and he said, "Well thats gay." I didn't know if I should of laughed or tell him thats offensive because I have a gay friend. :lol:

It was kind of awkward for me and my wife. Awkward in the way that my black friends say the N word. Should it of been for me?

Those of you that are gay, would you find this offensive if another person that is gay said this to you. Its one thing to say it when you are playing around but he was really pissed. His car wouldn't start.

Just thought I would ask!

[Broken Winged Birdy]

I say it and I don't feel bad saying it. Other people say it and I hit them or tell them not to be dumbass bigots. Honestly I find it as offensive as when people say "that is Jewish" and people deserve to be hit when they say it. I feel bad that I say it, just never in the moment as I say it without thinking.

Slap you friend on the head a bit, it will fix it. Don't even tell him why you do it, but do it enough times that he gets the lesson subconsciously.

You should not dislike it just because you have a gay friend, you should dislike it because it is inhuman treatment of a group of people. It is like if I told someone dating multiple girls to stop being such a Mormon. (I know, weird analogy. Gimme a break, I am tired :P) Treating people badly, whether verbally or physically, should offend us as humans and Christians.

[moni_gail]

I tend to say, "That's gay, but not in a good way."

[Tserisa]

I'm gay. I am extremely offended when people use gay as a put-down. Though I am gay, and would only say it in jest, I don't say "that's gay" because I think it sets a bad example for others.

Is it okay for a gay person to say "that's gay"? Yeah -- sort of. Heh. It's like other instances of reclaiming offensive terms, such as the "N" word by black people, or "queer" by the LGBT community. It's about empowerment. I think that a gay person using "gay" as a put-down can be as harmful as when used by a straight person.

There's a great comedy video that I think really hits on the subject.

'N'-Word for the White Guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gYM6_hcf1Q) (Warning: This video DOES contain the 'N'-word.)

The ending is particularly telling about how words can be offensive and uncomfortable even within the community.

I totally understand how it would make you uncomfortable, and I think reacting in a light-hearted manner, "Dude, don't say that, one of my best friends is gay!" would've been fine. Or, if you were comfortable with it, you could have had a meaningful discussion about it with him.

There are too many terms that are used by people without thinking about who they could be hurting, or where the term is coming from -- phrases such as "he gypped you" or "he jewed you", calling something (or someone, as a put-down) "retarded" or "gay". It's about more than just offending people. Using words like that creates a certain kind of environment, perpetuating stereotypes subconsciously and fostering division instead of unity. The world that such words creates is not a kind or friendly one. A kid who is struggling with his sexuality in high school will experience further blows to his self-esteem when hearing "gay" used as a put-down -- and I don't think it matters if the person using it is gay or straight.

[moni_gail]

I happen to disagree. I think people make a conscious decision to be offended most of the time. You yourself give words their power.


ETA: I'd like to qualify that this instance is different to me, the term gay in and of itself is not seen as derogatory. Different rules should apply to the N word, if it's been deemed as racist then it needs not be used across the board. I don't see that as empowering whatsoever. Rather it continues to perpetuate it's use in our current culture. It's degrading no matter who chooses to use it.

[James]

I currently identify as straight, but before I came out as trans, I identified as lesbian for several years, so I'll answer from that perspective:

Yes, it's offensive. It annoys me when gay people do it, as well. Sexuality should never be a put-down or a synonym for stupid.

"That's so Jewish" or "That's so black" doesn't need an explanation for why it's offensive. It's a little frustrating that "that's so gay" does need an explanation.

[beckysoup61]

"That's so Jewish" or "That's so black" doesn't need an explanation for why it's offensive. It's a little frustrating that "that's so gay" does need an explanation.

It's understandable that it is frustrating, but we must remember that some people have grown up around people that are not gay and do not see how it is offensive. It may take a little explaining, but once they see how it is offensive, then (hopefully) they will stop using it and encourage others to do the same.

Of course I think it is very offensive and hate it when anyone around me says it, and I've never said it because of that.

[Dub C]

Thanks everyone for responding to this, I was just wanting to know what others thought.

[Krashlocke]

I dislike it - and I usually try to make the other person feel uncomfortable in their inappropriate usage, eg:

"That table is so gay!"

"Even if that table had a sex, I doubt that it would be having anal intercourse with another table just like it."

That usually gives the offending speaker a pretty odd look and an awkward silence will hit the room. :)

[jonny]

I think it's just as offensive as when people say "that's retarded." It bugs me and is really awkward.

[evearael]

It's not appropriate and I call people on it, when time permits.